The week before Grace's birthday is
always filled with a lot of excitement and some tears. There is
something really special and fun about celebrating the birth each
year of a child born weighing 18 ounces...and yet, this week also
brings back memories and emotions that are forgotten the rest of the
year. The memories of fear and helplessness, of a journey no parent
ever dreams they will take.
Grace was almost born today, on May
19. My liver went into failure in the late afternoon/evening, and I
went from being pre-eclamptic to having toxemia and HELP syndrome. I
wasn't very coherent or understanding what was happening, but my
husband knew that he stood to lose both his wife and the daughter he
had yet to meet.
A week earlier, while I was already
on partial bed rest, I had severe liver pain and Greg rushed me to
the hospital late at night. I was barely conscious during the 20
minute drive, but I still remember the exact part of the road we were
on when I heard God say to me “For such a time as this.” I was
immediately filled with a peace, the kind that surpasses all
understanding. All I could think of was that there was an old Crystal
Lewis song by the same title. I knew there was something more, and
held on to those words over the next few days as I was hospitalized.
Grace arrived at 12:18am on May 20.
Some Rascal Flatts song was playing during the c-section...Greg heard
her cry once as she was being rushed to the NICU. I later learned
that the words God had so clearly spoken to me came from Esther 4:14
“...Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a
time as this?” For such a time as this. When I think back to the
stress, exhaustion, and worry of Grace's time in the hospital, I wish
I could tell the 28 year old me that I didn't need to worry after
all. That not only would Grace survive, she would become a
beautiful, highly intelligent, creative, artistic, intuitive, kind,
compassionate, and gentle girl.
For such a time as this. I thought
then that applied to just Grace. But it was also words for the
people who became involved in our lives, who prayed ceaselessly, wept
with us and laughed with us in joy over the frequent miracles over
Grace's life. The people that we would have never known otherwise,
who feel more like family, and without whom we would be less than who
we are now.
For such a time as this. The words
that launched me on my journey as a mother. Without that time, I
never would have known how strong I really could be, or the lengths I
will go to to fight for my children. I learned that I had gifts and
talents that had been hidden until then.
For such a time as this, Greg
became a father. There is a different quality to fathers of
preemies, not to say that all fathers aren't special, but preemie
dads learn different skills. There is a deep and intimate bond
between father and daughter in the NICU, and it isn't easily broken
or changed.
A lot of preemie parents celebrate
their child's due date, but we do not. I believe that the due date
became irrelevant the night Grace was born. For such a time as this,
Grace was born 15 weeks before that due date. God's grace is
sufficient, his strength is made perfect in weakness. There isn't a
much better example of weakness than a child weighing just over a
pound, whose eyes are still fused shut. God's strength has been made
perfect in Grace's weakness, over and over and over. His grace was
and is, undoubtedly sufficient for us. God also gave us Grace Emma
Overman, perfect and sufficient for his kingdom.
Grace is healthier than ever, and
louder than ever too! We are at the 6 month mark after her vocal
cord surgery and Greg and I laugh every time we have to tell her to
be quiet, that she's going to wake up her sister :) Grace is quite
dramatic these days, likes cars more than princesses, and is turning
into a little gymnast! She is still obsessed with zebras, and we get
to have a birthday party on her actual birthday tomorrow...the theme,
of course, is ZEBRA. This birthday blog has turned into an annual
occurrence, and I think will continue for many years...it makes me
pause, remember what to be grateful for, be a little gentler and
kinder, and wonder what such a time as this will mean to me in a few
years.
